final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
