my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
