I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
