I am puke
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
