there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
