A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize