I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
