I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
