How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
