I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
