I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
