my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
