Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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