I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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