New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
