i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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