dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
