come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
birth control should be required to get into college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
