Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You pole danced in your parka.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
