ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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