I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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