I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
