I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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