i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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