What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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