You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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