I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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