Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
