You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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