i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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