he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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