I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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