Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
