i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
