the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
