i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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