Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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