I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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