I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
