Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
