So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
