carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
