We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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