no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
