wrigley field is MILF paradise
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
