I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
