I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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