I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's like iHOP with fire
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
