Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize