marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
