I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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