ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
