i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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