did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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