her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
