Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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