My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
