So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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