Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
