i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
