I got chris browned last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
