Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
