i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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