We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
