I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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