Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
