drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
