yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
