I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
