Sry I called you an 8
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
