You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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