I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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