I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
