and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
