I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
