I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
