why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
