I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
